My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness (2 Co. 12:9).
I was asked to write the story of my vocation at a moment in which one of the main players in that story just passed to eternity – Sr. Maria Pia Marcazzan, who, with great skill and vivacity, accompanied my whole vocational journey.
The first time I stepped into the FSP book center in Udine, a small city on the Italian-Austrian border, I was very surprised at the atmosphere of serenity and peace that pervaded the room. I was even more surprised to see sisters behind the service desk. Fascinated, I poked my nose into every corner of the shop. I examined the stock on all the shelves, picking up one title after another, without paying any attention to the passing time. I liked the music that was playing softly in the background and, in fact, everything was so perfect that I felt completely at home. Finally satisfied by my explorations and amazed at feeling so serene, I realized that none of the sisters had approached me, which would have broken the “spell” I was under–a moment in which I was forging a bond of friendship with the book center. In fact, that bonding released me from an undefined gloominess that I had been experiencing and restored to me an inner peace that I had not felt for a long time.
Sr. Maria Pia, who was watching me, knew exactly the right moment to approach me and initiate a get-acquainted conversation. Our dialogue was so amiable that I forgot my shyness and in a short space of time the community of the Daughters of St. Paul became my second home. I enjoyed visiting the sisters, listening to their stories and helping them with small tasks around the book shop. Their trust in me made me feel very free with them. When I began to get acquainted with the life and writings of Fr. Alberione, it was like being struck by lightning. I felt nourished by what I was reading and I was so powerfully drawn to the person of Alberione that I began to consider him my special friend. The sisters invited me to become a member of a group known as the Young Pauline Evangelizers and I accepted the invitation.
The next two years were very intense ones, filled with new experiences, beginning with the many creative projects that sprang from the fertile mind of Sr. Maria Pia. I took part in book displays, summer vocation camps, retreats, Bible Missions, Youth Days, work in the book center…. Up to that time, I had never established close bonds of friendship with other young people but thanks to the very intense “group life” of the YPE a lot of my shyness and fears dissolved, leaving room for me to discover myself and the importance of learning how to accept, trust and dialogue with others.
The foundation of all this was my growing knowledge of Jesus Master. I came to realize that I was the child of a Father who loved me unconditionally and who would always be faithful to that love. I really enjoyed my visits to the Blessed Sacrament in the community chapel–times in which I came to know the Master more intimately. As I became better acquainted with the Daughters of St. Paul, I discovered the beauty of reading the Bible and I also learned to experience God personally and discern his voice within me, answering many of my questions.
But after the first year, this was not enough for me. I knew God was trying to tell me something but I couldn’t figure out what it was and this made me both happy and sad. Happy because I was by then convinced of his presence in my life and his love for me, and sad because, having completed one stage of my journey to him, I wanted more. For me, everything was becoming relative; even the meetings of our youth group left me unsatisfied. Sr. Maria Pia probably understood what I was going through better than I did myself. She invited me to the book center to help her open packages, check invoices, take inventory, etc. She got me started writing newspaper articles and asked me to help her prepare our group meetings. All this helped me a lot. I began to breathe once again and I recovered my sense of humor.
Meanwhile, the Word of God was making always greater inroads in my heart and thoughts. “Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness…” (Mt. 6:33). “Do not model your behavior on the contemporary world, but let the renewing of your minds transform you…” (Rm. 12:2). These Bible verses echoed continually in my mind each time I spent a little time with the Lord, each time I tried to study, each time I thought about my future….
A few months later, Sr. Maria Pia encouraged me to “help out” (as she put it) with a radio program dealing with book reviews. She placed the Pauline book center at my disposition, inviting me to choose some titles to present on air. What can I say? That experience was extremely enlightening. In fact, it laid the groundwork for my Pauline vocation. For me, reading those books, writing reviews about them and broadcasting them via the radio was like coming to a more complete understanding of the words of Fr. Alberione: “We must combat the press with the press, the radio with the radio….” “Give the truth in love….” “Restore people to health….”
I realized that my deepest yearning was to tell everyone that true joy can only be found in God; that he really exists and that if I had succeeded in changing my life, they could too. And what better way to proclaim this message than through the instruments of communication, which were much more effective than a small, lone voice? I envied the Daughters of St. Paul: their community, their work, their prayer life….
A few weeks later, our youth group went to Vicenza to participate in the Annual Youth Day organized by the Pauline Family. It was a day of complete confusion for me. New ideas bombarded me. I realized that I wanted a different kind of life, that going to the university and then starting of family of my own would not be enough for me. The only thing that would make me happy would be to do what the FSPs were doing, but at the same time I was afraid that my shy and introverted personality would make it impossible for me to succeed in that type of life. I didn’t think I would be able to do what the Paulines did….
What problems would I have to face? Would I succeed in correcting my shortcomings? In getting rid of a lot of defects? And how could I be sure that God was really calling me to the religious life? And if he was calling me, but to a different Congregation, then which one? These thoughts and thousands of others overwhelmed me. That evening, before boarding the bus to go back home, God gave me another sign. Each of us was invited to choose a tube of paper containing “God’s personal message” to us. I was surprised and moved by this gesture. On the way home, while my companions slept, I opened the message I had chosen and read the words: “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Co. 12:9). Those words sank into my heart, reassuring me of the Lord’s presence and of the fact that he was calling me to follow him. I was so overwhelmed by the love of God and the gift he was offering me that tears ran down my cheeks.
It was 21 March–the day on which my heart blossomed to new life, unleashing in me indescribable feelings of love, gratitude and happiness.
