I became a Daughter of St. Paul because I liked to work in the book center. I was convinced that much good could be done through this specific service. But ...
There is a legend regarding how God created the nations on earth. After forming out of clay immense China, India and all the other huge land masses, he saw that some bits of clay still clung to his hands. When he shook off these fragments, they fell into the Pacific Ocean and formed 7,107 islands, which today are home to about 100 million Filipinos!
It was on one of these islands, Iloilo, that I was born some 64 years ago–the fourth child in a family made up of four boys and three girls.
My family lived on a farm. My father cultivated the land. My mother took care of the house and family and also helped my father on the farm. Both of my parents were rich in faith and Christian values. A dream that they held dear was to send all their children to school. And they had the joy to see all of us finish college.
When I finished my studies, I taught in a school run by the Benedictine Sisters in Bacolod City. I enjoyed teaching. On my way to work, I would pass in front of a Pauline book center. I was curious about the shop and asked myself: Who are these sisters? What are they doing in a book center? Why are they doing that kind of work?
Not long after this, I stopped inside the shop, browsed through the books and bought some little things to give as gifts to my students. After that, whenever I had free time, I would visit the sisters and help them by dusting the books. I liked to spend time with them, watch them carry out their apostolate, and ask them questions. I felt united to them while I dusted the books and shelves. In fact, whenever I needed to buy some small items for the school, I would choose those that were a little defective or worn so as to help the sisters “maintain the balance between apostolate and economy….”
I understood the importance of this value in the life of every Daughter of St. Paul only later, after entering the Congregation (in which I have now been a member for 41 years). The relationship between apostolate and economy is so essential that in the last two years (2011-2012) our Institute held four continental meetings to help our sisters get to understand this concept better and put it into practice.
I remember that the school where I studied in my own city, Iloilo, was very near to another Pauline book center. I would stop in there frequently and Sr. Melania Ravarotto, one of the FSP pioneers in the Philippines, would always welcome me with a smile. She would ask me from time to time if I wanted to become a sister. When I finally did enter the Congregation in 1971, I traveled to Manila by boat, and it was Sr. Melania who met me at the dock and presented me to Sr. Atanasia Seganfreddo, who at that time was the formator of the aspirants and who today is an FSP missionary in Kenya.
A parenthesis: Sr. Melania died in 2004, while the sisters of the General Government–including myself–were finishing the Fraternal Visit to the Philippines. It was a great privilege for me to be present on the day of her departure for the Father’s House and I am sure that from there she now continues to intercede for her beloved mission land.
Sr. Melania was the only member of the pioneer group of FSPs to the Philippines to die and be buried there. In fact, her determination to remain in “her” country was so strong that she was always reluctant to return to Italy for a vacation or for any other reason because she was afraid something might prevent her from going back to the Philippines. And the Lord in his goodness granted her desire to remain at her mission post to the very end.
Returning to my vocation story: I would like to cite this Gospel passage: “What profit is there for one to gain the whole world yet lose or forfeit himself?” (Lk 9:25) This passage illuminated and strengthened my decision to join the Daughters of St. Paul in the face of the opposition of my parents, almost all my family and even the Principal of the school in which I taught.
In between her tears, my mother said: “I thought you would be the one to take care of me in my old age….” The Principal, who did not want me to leave, appealed to my sense of responsibility, admonishing me: “If you really are determined to leave, then you should first find someone to take your place as a teacher here.…”
But an interior force I could not resist gave me the strength I needed to make the decision that would change my life. Although my motivations were not completely clear to me at the time, I knew I wanted to embrace a kind of life that would allow me to give everything to God in order to do good. At the end my mother said with exasperation tinged with persistent hope, “Let her go. She’ll be back within three months.”
My early years in the Congregation were difficult, not due to the work or the trials, but due to homesickness! We were 27 aspirants. I remember that the printing hall was full of us. I liked working in the bindery very much.
Sometimes, when there were urgent jobs to be done, we would even work after supper. We were all very enthusiastic because we knew that every page of whatever book we were preparing would do good to souls. This was the motivation that our formators emphasized to encourage us to carry out the apostolate with holy intentions.
With the passing of time, other passages of the Word of God helped to strengthen my conviction that I was not the one who had chosen this kind of life; no, it was God who had chosen me. And even today he continues to say to me very clearly: “It was not you who chose me, but I who chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit that will remain” (Jn 15:16).
These words are very precious to me; they make me feel strong and well-grounded in God’s plan for my life. In addition, I like to often recall and share this motto with our young sisters in initial formation: “If you know the why of life, you can bear with almost any how that comes your way.”
When I left home to enter the Congregation, my mother was sure I would be back within three months. She died in 2001 and I had the grace to be with her during her last days here on earth. She rejoiced in my presence because she had yearned to see me one last time. And I know that now, from heaven, she is praying that my “three months” as a Pauline will never end.
I became a Daughter of St. Paul because I liked to work in the book center. I was convinced that much good could be done through this specific service. But I find it interesting that in my many years as a Pauline I have never been assigned full time to the book center apostolate. Instead the services that have been repeatedly asked of me have been in the areas of formation and government.
I will be returning to the Philippines next year, at the end of my term as a member of our general governing team. God willing, I will still have the chance to work in one of our book centers. Through the intercession of Sr. Melania, I hope to meet there the young women whom the Lord will send us–persons who will do good through the book center and through all the instruments of communication.
Inocencia Tormon, fsp